Deadly Vipers Part 2: No More Lone Rangers

I am convinced that pastors are the most vulnerable people on the planet.  I didn't realize the full weight of either until I became a pastor.

Two factors contribute to this vulnerability:

1. 1. The pressure to perform.  Pastors live with an enormous pressure to always have the right answer, put out every fire, counsel every problem, preach great sermons, lead with vision and courage, etc.

2. The pressure to be perfect.  Many pastors live in fear of being honest when they struggle, when they don't have the answer, when they're out of energy, or when they can't see clearly.  And the fear is even more intense if sin is taking hold in their lives.

What's worse is most pastors try to lead their families, lead their churches, and follow Jesus with these combined pressures wreaking havoc on their spirit, but no one whom they trust enough to share any of the burden with.

If there is anyone in the world who needs a trusted friend who has the inside track, who can serve as a lightening rod when he's ticked, a healer when he's hurt, an adviser when he's confused, a grace-giver when he's struggling, it's a pastor.

The bottom line: you and I need to find a Tonto and drop the Lone Ranger pose.

As Mike & Jud write:

"Every leader who hopes to defeat this assassin must have someone who has full rights to his private world."

Full rights?  When you and I have a Tonto that we've given full rights to, we can't hide anymore.  And if we really trust our Tonto, we will not want to hide.  I mean, imagine having someone in your life that you trust completely and that you know is for you and has your best interests in mind at all times.  You've got a place to go with everything: hurts, struggles, wins, tough decisions...anything.

In our transition to Columbia, I have not placed this as high as it should be on my priority list.  Consequently, I am dangerously close to being a Lone Ranger.  That's changing as I type this because I know I am vulnerable right now.  And I know I can't play Lone Ranger and make it.  Neither can you.

So, who has the inside track?  Who have you given full rights to?  If you feel compelled, leave a comment with how you developed that relationship and how it is working for you.

***these posts are my personal takeaways from the book, Deadly Viper Character Assassins, and mix ideas/applications from the book with my own***

Comments

[Adam Reed]

Jay,

Thanks for sharing this post. For the past two years I have been playing the lone ranger role while serving on staff at a church here in Columbia. I have not always lived this way though.
While I was in seminary I had some close friends who I could lean on, and share anything with. I have missed these close bonds the past two years.
Thankfully, I have begun to foster some relationships with other men through a new men's group that just started a few months ago. I still feel uneasy about sharing ALL of what's going on, but God is working on me with that and allowing me to trust the other men in our group.

[mike foster]

hey jay..great post...glad youre liking the book...peace..mike.

www.DeadlyViper.org

[jamey johnson]

bro, I do understand the need to be perform and seek out perfection. The need to perform/perfect (at least for me)comes out of this root of rejection. When we fear being rejected we tend to PUT ON unhealthy behaviors in our life (aka. the need to perform/perfect). I have experienced rejection by my dad, and by other key male figures in my life. And what I have noticed is that when I lead/pastor this NEED to be liked/perform/be perfect can pop at times - and when I check myself and look deep enough - it usually has something to do with my emotional baggage that I carry. But in leadership (especially the ministry) we seem to disconnect the spiritual from the emotional. So in return you have a lot of pastors who know the Bible and can preach, but are so emtotionally unhealthy...that is dangerous in leadership (just a thought) - great post jay

[jayhardwick]

adam - you're right, it is very hard to be totally vulnerable with someone else. trust is the key to making accountable relationships work. maybe you'd find it easier with one other person rather than a group. just a thought.

mike - thanks for writing the book. it's much needed, very challenging, and beautiful to look at. :-)

jamey - GREAT thoughts...sad, but probably more right than we all realize. i have not done this yet, but i have pastor-friends who see counselors regularly to ensure they are properly dealing with their baggage. probably a great idea.